Jamie’s Italian

Best date ever with Michael. There’s just something so magical about Glasgow.

So green

It’s so green outside. Went for a morning stroll, saw some sheep. I just can’t stop loving Scotland.

Sorry for the silence. Here’s some Instagram.

In the morning light

I haven’t been sleeping too well lately.

Somehow getting back to the halls with paper-thin walls and fellow students getting drunk every other night has not helped to improve my insomnia – never mind my health (mental or physical), which hasn’t been the best lately. Having IBS means there are lots and lots of things you can sort of have, things that won’t make you bedbound and utterly sick in small amounts. One is onions. A happy Mattie had a bread&soup night at Kim’s, what a lovely time we had and what lovely soup Kim had made! Hungry Mattie, having carried all her shopping up the hill from the new Waitrose had two big helpings of the delicious oriental carrot-onion-pepper soup. Next day was not so nice, called in sick and practically stayed in my room for the whole day. On Friday I could manage doing a few hours at uni but not much more.

But Friday brought a nice little breakdown upon me. Let’s face it: what started as a good, healthy way of improving my exercise and eating patterns somehow twisted and turned and I found myself battling with an early stage of what someone might call an eating disorder. Even though I’ve got rid of the calorie counting, obsessive rules of ‘not eating after 5pm’, ‘not eating [insert food here]‘ or ‘not baking with butter because of the fat in it’ and the rest of the gang I still have some issues with my body confidence and body image. Having lost a bit over 10kg (that’s a stone and a half, almost two) it takes a while to really start to see yourself differently in the mirror. I have glimpsed that lighter, thinner me a few times, but with IBS pumping my tummy full with air every once in a while I get desperate from time to time.

Everyone keeps on telling me how good I look these days and how I should use more fitting clothes. Well, after gaining a few pounds during the holidays and just relaxing eatingwise, enjoying the food and allowing myself a bit more than just 6 small sweets every Saturday my tummy, used to be quite flat and firm, has softened up a bit. I shouldn’t worry since I do eat healthily and am active but it’s still there. That little nagging voice. ‘You fat cow, you are gonna end up just the way you were, you lazy bitch not hitting the gym 5 times a week!’ And I really try to ignore it, I really do. Because I know that once school starts again I’ll get back to my routines and get down to the gym more regularly. But some days I listen to the voice and get quite upset — although, this time I got an idea!

I am now to write down 3 positive adjectives of myself, each morning. The wall against my desk is filled with confidence-boosting quotes and images and my chalkboard tells everyone ‘You’re beautiful!’. I am also not to worry too much over the few homemade chocolate muffins I had while listening to the birds outside in the dark at 6am. I don’t need to get down to the gym just ’cause I feel like burning off these few calories right now. I eat probably 10 pieces of greens and veg a day, meat being 1/4 of my dinner plate. Not being able to have gluten all my carbs are mostly oats. I drink a lot of water and decaf fruit tea infusions without sugar or milk, and homemade chai lattes. Soy instead of dairy and little of added salt. A big fan of oven-cooked food, would steam more if had the space. Could I afford it I’d have fish 5 times a week or so. So not exactly unhealthy, is it?

I wish I wasn’t this impatient. Or so worrisome. But, being all these things seems to be a part of  being me. So maybe I should just except that sometimes your body gains a few pounds and that it’s not the end of the world. It’s going to take me a while to learn to truly love and respect my body, remember to appreciate all it is capable of doing. But I will get there, I’m an optimist and I do believe in happy endings. Even though my tutor told me pretty much not to dream of such things in real life last semester. Gonna screw him and everyone else who stands in my way!

So yes, hello everyone. I woke around 3am and got up after 4. So now that it’s almost 8 o’clock I’m sitting in my room, adoring the grayness of a February morning in Scotland and knitting a scarf. The poncho mom made me before I moved out has been a salvation, having left my other big cardigan down in Glasgow.

The sunrise is red as blood today. The black silhouette of ravens and skeleton trees makes the view look like a painting.

Laura Närhi - Hetken tie on kevyt
Johanna Kurkela - Oothan tässä vielä huomenna

How to save a life

Doing my journal in the kitchen in Glasgow. Surprising how I always manage to collect this many tickets, receipts and brochures. It’s been really chilly up here, left my big warm winter coat up at uni and not liking the way the wind really bites into my bones whenever I’m outdoors. They say that I should be alright with the cold, having grown up in Finland, but duh, that just means that I’ve been freezing for 6 months every year for the last 18 years. I’m a gentle, subtle little thing, not meant to survive without working central heating!

It’s been holidays. Still is till mid-February. Can’t wait to get back to uni – I’ve already signed up to join the university choir and sent an email to our art venue’s dance co-ordinator to get involved with this year’s Let’s Dance Festival. If I could afford it, I would also love to start going horseback riding every once in a while. Maybe later this year. After I get a job. Being an undergrad and unemployed is not the best of combinations.

Been listening to The Fray, Adele and Ellie Goulding lately. Comforting and smoothing, with an edge of toughness. Like it.

Have a brill weekend everyone! xx

…and a happy new year

Such a hipster

Let it snow

Michael woke me up last night around midnight. ”Look outside!”

Feeding the ducks

Such a perfect, lazy Sunday. The Finnish Christmas radio started broadcasting so it’s been my childhood favourites over and over again. My English essay is still missing a thousand words or so but I’ve got plenty of time – it’s not due till tomorrow 5pm! And me being up at 7.30am (as usual) I’ll have 700-odd words before lunch which for the record is going to be Jamie Oliver’s tomato soup and fresh gluten-free bread. And in the afternoon I am going to bake some Christmassy cakes. Gluten and lactose free, for sure.

Did my Christmas shopping on Saturday. I am now a hundred pounds (or more!) poorer but I’ve got everything now. Even gift wrapped the first presents yesterday evening – doing all possible to procrastinate as much as possible. Michael’s having a bad effect on me but then on the other hand I’ve never been this relaxed during an exam week. Maybe I’m just growing old and finding the real priorities in life. Liking it a lot anyway.

Also, after 8 and a half months of strict dieting and food control, I am now having a month off. Enjoying whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m hitting the gym for real and cutting off the sugar and so on again in January but now I will just indulge myself (of course, within reasonable limits, you know me) and take the most out of Christmas. ‘Cause it’s my favourite time of the year.

Have we got other Christmas lovers around? x

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Christmas – one of my favourite festivities! I might be a wee bit early this year but let’s face it, who could resist Marks’s 3 for 2 Christmas offers? Not me at least. So, I got myself a little pine tree. And some hangings.

Yesterday evening I ordered the first presents – goodbye thirty quid. It doesn’t matter, though, since I love giving more than anything. Especially when the present is something the other person genuinely likes and you can just see how their face lit up when they’ve removed the wrapping. It’s the best feeling ever!